Piano Teeth

14. MOTORWAY PIRATES

Hello gorgeous creeps. I am back from a little hiatus with an audio delight, fresh and ready to be dripped into your ears.

In this episode we meet Terry. Who has decided to become a Pirate. A land Pirate. The terror of the motorways. He's got a crew, a car and a cannon. What could possibly go wrong?

I also explain my hiatus, try and sell you some disgusting sparkling water and teach you how to make friends.

Enjoy you sexy scumbags.

Website: https://www.pianoteeth.co.uk/

Insta: @the_piano_teeth

Bleach Fund: https://ko-fi.com/pianoteeth
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Original artwork by Chris R. Wright @brawlingwithmybiro
Sound design by Matteo Mussetti @4get2eat

 

13. BILLIE PIPER DIMENSION STEPPER - PART 3

Hello gorgeous creeps. Here is the final part of the Billie Piper trilogy. In this episode, Billie & Keeley make their way to Stonehenge, where they meet Uther Pendragon and the Druid army. After sacrificing Noel Fielding and activating the stones they then face the celebrity horde for a final showdown that will decide the fate of Earth. Enjoy scum.

 

Featuring Billie Piper, Druids, Stonehenge, Noel Fielding, Alistair Campbell, Tokyo, Pop-songs, excessive violence, Sean Bean, Idris Elba, David Beckham, Alan Carr, Sandi Toksvig, Danish folksongs, portals and so much more.

 

Website: https://www.pianoteeth.co.uk/

Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/Manage/Index

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_piano_teeth/

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Original artwork by Chris R. Wright: @brawlingwithmybiro

Sound design by Matteo Mussetti: @4get2eat

Jasper did nothing. As per.

12. BILLIE PIPER DIMENSION STEPPER - PART 2

Hello there gorgeous creep1

Here we are, once again, with a brand new audio delight. Ready to fling merrily down your ears and run riot round your mind. Aren't you lucky!

In this episode, we hear the second part of the previous episode (duh). So if you haven't listened to Part 1 yet...then obviously do that. Billie Piper and Keeley begin making their way to Stonehenge and some very serious truths are revealed. A horde of celebs are laying in wait for them. And they get some help from a couple of Druids.

Featuring Druids, Stonehenge, Doctor Who, Yerma, Stephen Fry, Alan Carr, Jeremy Clarkson, Idris Elba, Sandi Toksvig, David Baddiel, Frank Skinner and so much more.

Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/PianoTeeth

Website: https://www.pianoteeth.co.uk/

Insta: @the_piano_teeth

Please note, nothing that happens should be taken seriously. Including the very poor impersonations of the celebrities involved. This whole thing is the incoherent rambling of a mad man with a bleach problem. As a result, it shouldn't be listened to by anyone. Including yourself.

Enjoy sexy scumbag and be well.

 

 

 

11. BILLIE PIPER DIMENSION STEPPER - PART 1

Hello gorgeous creeps.

 

Did you miss me? I have returned to your heads with a marvellous audio delight, featuring none other than former popstar, turned actor, BILLIE PIPER.

 

In this episode Jasper is getting ready for his annual Bunga-Bunga party and we hear an overly emotional advert for a car. Then we're sucked down the plughole and meet a taxi driver called Keeley, who meets her idol Billie Piper, holding a gun and stood by a burning car with dead celebrities at her feet. This begins a balls to the w adventure through the streets of London and beyond. Involving many famous faces and a conspiracy that will change the world forever. Please note this is only PART 1, you'll have to wait for the rest you naughty minx.

 

Featuring Billie Piper, Noel Edmonds, London Taxi's, Bunga-Bunga parties, Cars, Masculinity, Russell Brand, Eddie Redmayne, Motorbikes, Conspiracy theories, Silvio Berlusconi, Dame Judi Dench, Tokyo, Doctor Who.

 

Follow me on the socials: @the_piano_teeth

And please donate https://ko-fi.com/pianoteeth

Website: www.pianoteeth.co.uk

Sound Designer: Matteo Musetti (@4get2eat)

Original artwork: Chris R. Wright (@chrisrwright)

10. TREEVENGE

Hello my sexy scumbags!

 

Here's another, brand spanking new audio delight for you to trickle into your ears and allow to run riot round your mind. And what a riot it is!

 

This episode sees a gang of littering youths being chased through the woods by a vengeful forest Goddess. On top of that, Jasper tries to go on strike and I reveal my new crypto-currency. BleachCoin!

Follow me on the socials @the_piano_teeth.

Send something into the Scribble Gallery : https://www.pianoteeth.co.uk/

Contribute to the bleach fund: https://ko-fi.com/pianoteeth

The sound was lovingly designed by Matteo Mussetti (@4get2eat)

And the original artwork was by Chris R. Wright (@chrisrwright)

PLEASE NOTE: Due to the excessively violent and absurd nature of this podcast. It should not be listened to, by anyone.

9. KILL YOUR LANDLORD

Hello Gorgeous Creeps!

It is I, Piano Teeth, that voice inside your head. Back once again with an eargasm that'll leave you desperate for me.

I'm sorry I was away for so long. I've been on the run you see. But I'm back now and don't worry. You'll never have to do without me for so long ever again as I shall now be releasing a new audio delight once a month! That's right, you'll have a brand new, original, marvellous, hilarious adventure to put in your ears and allow to run riot round your brain on a far more regular basis. What do you think of that?

In this tremendous tale we encounter Instagram influencing, millennial cannibals. Who are undoubtedly on the right side of history. Featuring; Che Guevara, Landlords, Jackson Pollack, Murder, Thai Green Curry, Cannibalism, Sex and so much more.

This episode is proudly bought to you by Terror Tours. A company dedicated to finding your perfect Terrorist organisation.

Please donate to my bleach fund: https://ko-fi.com/pianoteeth

And by all means, follow me: @the_piano_teeth

Check out my website: https://www.pianoteeth.co.uk/

Many thanks to Chris R. Wright for the original artwork.

And thank you to Matteo Mussetti (@4get2eat) for the sound design.

Please note that nothing you hear in this podcast should in anyway be taken seriously. It's the insane ramblings of a mad man. Due to its graphic content, obscene language and disgusting themes - I highly recommend it not be listened to by anyone. At all.

8. SIR DAVID ATTENBOROUGH'S MAGIC CANS

Hello Gorgeous Creeps!

It is I, Piano Teeth. The voice inside your head. Back once again with a barnstorming audio-delight that will completely and utterly blow your socks off.

Unfortunately, I'm going to have to take a short break after this one. You'll hear why but I need to lay low for a little while. But don't worry, I have grown fond of trickling into your ears and I know how much I mean to you. I will be back my sexy scumbags. I will be back.

In this episode, I discuss therapy with Jasper the Toad then try and tell the story of Sir David Attenborough's Magic Cans. However, my frequency is hacked by 1 Radio DJ, Dave Chris, who begins trying to take over your brain. I have no choice but to embark on an incredibly dangerous journey, through the radio waves, encountering other Radio DJ's along the way. But Dave Chris has pop sensation Larry Piles in the studio and he's growing stronger and stronger. Will I be able to save your mind in time? Listen and find out.

Featuring Sir David Attenborough, Crypto-zoology, Gorilla-Hawks, Gerard Depardieu, The Shipping Forecast, Therapy, Theseus, Breakfast Bing Bong, Mental Health, Celebrities, Graham Norton and so much more.

Don't forget to leave a review. And give me a follow @the_piano_teeth

If you like what you hear then why not contribute to the bleach fund https://ko-fi.com/pianoteeth

And please check out the website https://www.pianoteeth.co.uk/ you'll find all sorts there. Including a gallery of scribblings created by the listeners and inspired by my dulcet tones. Why not send me one yourself?

A tidal wave of thanks must be sent to Matteo Mussetti (@4get2eat) for his loving sound design and making all this possible. And to Chris R. Wright (@chrisrwright) for doing mine and Jasper's portrait. Even if it was through blackmail. And I suppose thanks must be sent your way, for putting me in your ears and letting me meander around your mind. Until next time. Be Well!

This audio delight is bought to you by Dickie's Meat Drop. Where your meat matters.

7. I AM KING ARTHUR

Hello gorgeous creeps! Here we are once again with a brand new audio delight for you to trickle into your ears. My apologies for the delay in this one. After a big night on the bleach Jasper the Toad swallowed the microphone. Had to wait a couple of days for it to make its way out. And you can't rush these things.

In this marvelous episode, we take a departure from the usual and rather than me just telling you a tale, we end up in the midst of three voices, all talking to each other. One of them believes that he's the direct descendent of King Arthur. But who are the other two? And how do you know if you're a King? And what the hell is going on? You'll have to stick this wonderful audio experiment in your ears and find out.

Many thanks to Lucy Mangan (@looseymango) for the direction on this one. Without her Jasper would've been all over the place. Her Kit-Kat is in the post.

Thanks as ever to Chris R. Wright (@chrisrwright) for his artwork.

And Matteo Musetti (@4get2eat) for his sound design.

If you like what you hear then please leave a review and share me with your friends. I won't talk about you, I promise.

If you want to contribute to the bleach-fund then head on over to https://ko-fi.com/pianoteeth and you can drop some coins in my purse.

And please do go and have a look at the scribblings https://www.pianoteeth.co.uk/scribblings sent in by the sexy scumbags that put me in their ears. Why not do one yourself? I love looking at them.

Until next time my sexy scumbags.

And be well.

6. THE MAGIC SHEEP

Hello Gorgeous Creeps.

 

I hope this finds you as well as you possibly can be. We are back with a story bang and this one is an absolute brain cracking banger.

 

In this fantastical audio delight we throw ourselves down the plug hole and end up in the town of Cliffton, which is apparently a lovely place in summer. There we meet Taylor the Tailor who won't let his son, Darren out of his sight. However, due to tragic circumstances, Darren's opportunity arises and after an excitable first visit to the pub he finds himself blundering, naked round a graveyard at the top of a cliff. After being woken by a questionable gravedigger Darren realizes that he's woken up in heaven where he is reunited with his father, whose become an angel. Darren doesn't know what Sheep are you see. Poor lad. Convinced that he is the new messiah Darren heads back to the town of Cliffton (lovely place in Summer) and convinces the people to follow him, up to heaven. Where paradise surely awaits. Are the townsfolk really going to believe a naked man who claims to talk to Sheep? What could possibly go wrong? Are Sheep really liars? And why is Prince Harry breaking down toilet doors? Find out for yourselves and put this in your ears you sexy scumbags.

 

Featuring Viking Mercenaries, Priests, Belinda Carlisle, Heaven, Squirrels playing the piano, Prince Harry, The Wonky Dungeon, Sheep, Angels, Graveyards, Sheep, Whiskey, Tailors, Sheep and so, so much more.

 

Many thanks to Tim Karp for the music in this Eargasm, even if it was through blackmail he did a great job. Check out his wealth of melodic projects here: https://www.timkarp.com/

 

Don't forget to leave a review. And please share me with your friends, I won't talk about you. I promise.

 

Head over to my website: https://www.pianoteeth.co.uk/ where you can pester me, find out a bit more and look at the scribblings sent in to me by the gorgeous creeps who put me in their ears. Why not send me some yourself. 

 

If you like what you hear and you can, then please contribute to the bleach-fund:                  ko-fi.com/pianoteeth every little helps.

 

The artwork was created by Chris R. Wright (@chrisrwright)

The sound design was by Matteo Musetti (@4get2eat)

 

This is a Piano Teeth production

5. NELSON MANDELA'S HARDCORE MIX-TAPE FT. TOM WAITS MEDITATION

Hello gorgeous creeps.

 

How are your minds? Ready for me to launch in and deliver my weekly eargasm of audio delight? I hope so.

 

We will be taking a departure from the usual as thanks to the disco biscuits provided by my friend Captain WillyFingers, I'm in far too delicate a state for a bleach soaked helter-skelter into a brain cracking story. Instead, I answer some of the questions sent into me by the sexy scumbags that put me in their ears. You, basically. I then put on a vinyl sent to me by Tom Waits where he takes us on a soothing guided meditation. It really is something else.

 

Listen now for; advice on how to become a Dinosaur, an explanation as to why I drink bleach, Nelson Mandela's hardcore mix-tape, vomit, the land of Ombagaluk, Tracey the space Octopus, England Rugby Team, Mongolian confessions, Fife, lackluster advertising, skeleton crews, dogs, X-ray machines and the secret to the universe itself.

 

Don't forget to leave a review. And share me with your friends. I won't talk about you, promise.

 

Follow me on the socials @the_piano_teeth.

 

And check me out at www.pianoteeth.co.uk

 

If you like what you hear and want to contribute to the bleach fund then head on over to https://ko-fi.com/pianoteeth and you can drop some coins in my purse.

 

This episode was created by Piano Teeth.

 

The sound was designed by Matteo Musetti. (@4get2eat)

 

Artwork made under great duress by Chris R. Wright @chrisrwright

 

Vomit was cleaned up by Jasper the Toad.